Monday, March 05, 2007

Nooticles-Vishus Deer Trick?

Many of you cats will have seen Zeus's post regarding "Neuticles" Some of you will also have seen HotMBC's FSA about these.....things .....and how they may be a vishus deer trick! I decided to do a bit more research!

I wondered about what the reasons for trying to get us man-cats to want these could be. As Hot MBC suggested, perhaps to get unnecessary surgery, which is dangerous to us. Perhaps to make it difficult for us to stalk and run, and even to sit on guard for long periods of time.

Those are good reasons to want us to think we need this needless surgery. And just by implanting this worry that we aren't man-catly enough might make some of us obsess so much we lose our focus and are distracted from our vishus deers guarding duties.

But what if it is even more insidious than that?

My OTW has a "friend" who knows 'bout spy stuff, and says there are many tracking devices that are very very tiny. Tiny enough to fit in Neuticles? I think so!

These antenna could be used to track us, even to make our own bodies send signals out to the vishus deers to find us whereever we hide! And where will this all lead? Already one of the girl-cats has asked about whether the girl-cats would start needing breast implants to keep up. These tracking devices could fit into these even easier!

I'm not surprised by this development though.

Vishus deers have clearly infiltrated the media (the subject of my next informational pamphlet). First it was making us wonder if our litter smelled too bad, and they provided us with products to mask the smell of our boxes. Then it was convincing us that some of us are too fat and some of us are too skinny and they provided us with foods that would slim fat cats down and bulk skinny cats up. And now they are intent on making us obsess about whether we are perfect enough to attract cats of the opposite sex!

It all makes sense, they've been doing it to the humans for years! And look at the silly obsessions the humans are victim to! Breast implants, butt implants, injections of poisons to make lips pouty, plugs with hair on heads, fake teeth, boy-bit enlargments! Any and all of these could hide monitering equipments!

Though humans are kinda dumb. The vishus deers clearly began with this weak link in our support system, and perfected their techniques on easy targets!

There's more! The company that makes these 'Neuticles' also makes eye implants. My OTW's "friend" says some cameras are certainly small enough to fit into these eyes! They could be used to spy on where cats live and hunt, and all their favourite hiding spots without the cat even knowing! They could find out if the fake-eye-wearing-cat has young and juicy siblings and friends!

Think this is all a bit far-pounced? Well, just look at these! What possible purpose could these serve?

And yet humans are convinced to buy them! And put them on their hunting transport machines! What could be a more perfect way to track them as they hunt, and attack their machines to keep them from bringing home our kibbles?

Don't be fooled like dumb humans!

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Anonymous said...

Our Lady's laughing lots. We're afraid she's not taking this matter seriously enough. Thank you very much for all your research. As usual, you've done an excellent job. No Nooticles for us!

Shaggy and Scout said...

Thanks for the investigative report Jack! It's hard hitting reporters like you that uncover these devious plots!

Hot(M)BC said...

Excellunt repurrt, Jack. Fank you!

Daisy said...

Jack, thank you for the warning! This is very very serious indeed. And since I am not nuts, I am going to say NO to neuticles! What will those vishus deer think of next? I hope I do not have vishus deer nightmares tonight!

Meowers from Missouri said...

oh, thank goodness you posted about this and showed the truck picture. now our mom can prove she's not . . . you should excuse the expression . . . nuts! she followed an SUV with them dangling and almost had a accydent trying to photograph them with her cell phone! no one will believe her!! you should win an award for repurrting!

and yes, you are right! NO NEUTICLES.

*mom?* *MOM?* *is that coffee comin' outta your nose?*

Kate (Pablo's mum) said...

Oh Jack, I had no idea! I'm so glad that I live in Tasmania where there aren't many vishus deer at all... but I'll keep my eye on them, for sure!

Max said...

:::Looks at empty goody sack:::
Mebbe I don't want them after all.

Rascal said...

No problem, NO!!!! Sheesh, humans and their toys. Thanks for the inside story Jack.

Kimo and Sabi said...

It is too late fer us to say no :(

Zippy, Sadie, Speedy and M'Gee said...

Thank you fur this impotant report, Jack. I seded it afore and I'll say it again, once wuz enuf! I'm not letting anyone do anyting down there anymore. Say NO to nooticals!~Speedy, whos a man cat even with an empty goody sack

Tara said...

I'm so glad for your research! I'm hopeful I won't have to resort to surgery to keep up!

What a trick!

PS That tarantula is STILL alive! Maybe its a vishus deer trick too!

Dragonheart, Merlin, Devi, and Chloe said...

Wow Jack, thanks for doing all this research! My mom is laughing but I'm not sure why. I'm very glad you uncovered these tracking devices. I already have a microchip in my shoulder muscle as indentification, I don't need any more foreign objects in my body!

Great report!

Anonymous said...

Now why would the vishus deers want to track me from the bed to the food dish, to the litter box and back? Mama does say my poo is a WMD but I really don't think I am a threat to national security or anything.

I am going to say "no to nooticles" too. Just to be safe.

Victor Tabbycat said...

Mom sawed a 4-wheel monster like that when she was huntin far away fur werk! It was defnitly deer country. Maybe they do that to avoid hunters!

I fink we's purrfect just the way we's are, tho gettin us fixed is impawtant fur population control. Fanks fur all the information.

Persephone, I'd love to spin wif you.

Anonymous said...

mighty fine report. wil definately say no to nooticles!!!

HRH Yao-Lin said...

wow..I had no idea...I was so looking forward to getting my bollocks back . Never mind, I shall go and pounce on Mao so that I feel like a man again.

Forty Paws said...

Excellent research. We are so glad that we read your report. Thank you for your attention to detail.

Luf, Us