Toesday

I liked the pictures of Grr's toes so much, I decided to post some close-ups of my toes. And Grumpybutt's too, and Pumpkin, said he was going to too, so today is Toesday! Know who's toes I'd really like to see? KC's. She has the cutest toes EVER!

I have giant, mighty hunter paws!!

And when I spread them out they're HUGE! Maybe even bigger than Kismet's!!

My black paw pads. The flash makes them look grey, but they're black, really. My toe-tufties are brown though.

This is Grumpybutt's paw. All four of them are all white and dainty little things, smaller than mine even though he's bigger and (kinda fat)!

His paw pads are really pale pink. My OTW says she loves them anyway, and they're very cute, even if they're not mighty and black like mine!

Midnight Monday and Update

Attack of the Paper!!!

*************************************************************************************

UPDATE

So I caught my OTW lying on the floor and I hopped up on her back and sat right in that spot where she can't get me off without tipping me off which makes me put out my claws, and I put some hard questions to her about the antler issue.

She says she doesn't know why I'm so worried and suspicious of the antlers 'cause they're just some old ones a friend of hers found in their basement and she's pretty sure they're the kind that fall off in the spring when the vishus deers grow even bigger ones, and that these are at least as old as last spring, so she doesn't think they're bugged 'cause I didn't write my expose on the vishus deer yet then. She also said it doesn't matter because in a day or two, the Big One is going to cut them up into pieces and she's going to stick them in water for weeks and weeks until they're soft and then she's going to carve them up.

She claims the needles are not the kind that the vet goes stabby in the butt with, they're the kind you play with string with and make viking socks and she says not to worry about the beaters, 'cause they're not cat beaters, they're weaving beaters to make the thread behave, like her tapestry bobbins (I thought that was what I was for!) and the earspoons are just viking Q-tips. Kind of. But not as much fun for cats to play with. Except on the hard floor, 'cause they would probably skitter good, but she's not going to let me try 'cause they're for her costume and she doesn't want me ruining them. She's pretty selfish.

I'm not sure about all this. I'm keeping a close eye on her 'cause I'm not convinced she's not got a deaded vishus deer spirit in her brains. I growled at her a lot today to see if I could make the vishus deer ghostie show itself. I'm not sure if it's working 'cause she started looking 'noyed at me, and instead of telling me to go away if I was gonna be rude, she kept picking me up and giving me crazy cat lady kisses all over my face and whiskers and nose! She may just be trying to sneak a taste of me!! And then she played cat-fishing with me for a really really really long time and maybe she was just trying to tire me out so I couldn't fight her off!

But I'm keeping a close eye on her 'cause I may not be young but I'm a fierce warrior and still juicy. Lucky for Grumpybutt he's so old and grumpy no vishus deer would eat him 'less they were desperate, 'cause he'd be all tough and stringy.

And I sat on her a long long long time, until her neck hurt, which she deserves for trying to skewer us and laughing!

Warning! Scary content!!!

Oh no! Oh no! Oh NO!

My OTW has gone MAD!!!!!!! She went out and got antlers!!!!!!!!! ANTLERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She even 'pretended' to try to skewer us with them!!!!! And then she laughed!!!! LAUGHED!!!!!!! Ohnoohnoohnoohnoohno!!! Not my beloved OTW!!! Oh I think I'm going to cry! I may have to skewer her with Hreinarsbana to save us all! And then who will give me my stinky goodness, and my treats, and my tummyrubs and spine scritches?!?!?

I'm typing this as she's in the other room, doing who knows what vishus deer things! This may be My Last Post, every cat, as I try to subdue this evil that my beloved OTW has become!

Purr for me everycat! Purr hard that I may survive this battle!!!!

*************************************************************************************

UPDATE!!!!!

I'm still alive and Look what I found in the livingroom! !

They are not attached to her head at all! I think Patches is right, these are dead. I don't think that was very funny, what my OTW did!

But maybe the ghostie of the vishus deer is in her brains, 'cause she's talking about carving the antlers up into needles and beaters, and earspoons!!! Earspoons?!? What it heck is an earspoon? Is that something you scoop stuff out of kitty ears with??? And beaters?!? NEEDLES?!?!?!

I'm keeping an eye and a paw on these antlers. They're a bad bad sign.

50 Reasons

Since the Big One was slightly miffed that my OTW and I came up with so many reasons cats were better than men (or women, if that's what you prefer), even though most of them had nothing to do with him, I'm posting this list of all the reasons things that men do, that cats won't. "cause we all know men aren't better than us!

1/ Cats won’t offer to support you for two years while you try to start an art career or personal business. AFTER supporting you for two years through school.

2/ Cats don’t clean the bathroom.

3/ Cats don’t cook gourmet meals for you.

4/ Cats won’t build you looms and other art tools.

5/ Cats won’t go out and hunt your groceries when it’s really really cold

6/ Cats don’t shovel snow.

7/ A man won’t steal all your make-up brushes and drag them all over the house and hide them under carpets.

8/ Men don’t insist on sitting on your shoulder while you’re trying to type. (We’re SNOOPERVISING!! It’s our JOB!!!)

9/ Men don’t wash their private bits in front of company

10/ Men don’t insist you open the door for them then stand in the doorway debating whether to go in or out when you know perfectly well they’re not going to because it’s COLD.

11/ Men don’t kick down the door of the bathroom and demand loving while you’re peeing.

12/ Men don’t sit in the sink, drinking from the faucet when you need to wash your hands.

13/ Men don’t wake you up by sticking their cold wet nose against yours, or by tickling your cheeks and nose with their whiskers, or sticking their paw in your mouth.

14/ You can have a conversation in the same language (though we know it’s not your fault you have no whiskers or tails and your ears don’t swivel around).

15/ A cat won’t run out in the middle of the night and buy you chocolate when you’ve got PMS

16/ A man won’t track kitty litter or poop all over the house.

17/ Men don’t walk around with poop hanging off their furry butts (Hey! Neither do we!)

18/ A man will let you sleep in on weekends.

19/ A man doesn’t unroll the toilet paper all over the floor

20/ Men don’t scratch up your furniture even though you’ve gotten them several perfectly good scratching posts

21/ A man won’t try to eat your Christmas decorations. (oh, the yummy yummy silk holly leaves….)

22/ A man won’t hump your foot, teddy bears, or dustmop

23/ Men don’t usually pee on the furniture or carpets.

24/ Men don’t cough up hairballs

25/ Cats don’t bring you breakfast in bed. Or if they do, it’s not something you’d actually want to eat.

26/ Cats can’t fix your computer.

27/ Men don’t sleep in your closet on your woolly clothes and leave them covered in hair.

28/ You don’t have to man-proof the cupboards with the cleaning supplies.

29/ Men don’t try to bat the string/pencil/beads out of your hands while you’re working (which seems kind of uncaring really, leaving you to defend yourself against them alone).

30/ Cats don’t do dishes or windows

31/ Men brush their teeth or at least eat a breath mint occasionally

32/ Men don’t sit and stare at you unblinking for no particular reason.

33/ A cat won’t make you handmade chocolate truffles.

34/ Cats won’t use the toy-sucker-upper for you if you’re scared of it (heck, we wouldn’t even let it in the house if we could help it).

35/ A cat doesn’t know how to pick you a good single malt scotch.

36/ Cats won’t help you set up the stereo system with 20 bazillion wires

37/ Men don’t sit in your lap, then get mad because you insist on getting up to use the bathroom, or get a drink.

38/ A cat won’t buy you books. Expensive books. For Christmas. There’s a list on the OTW’s computer…… (she made me type that)

39/ A cat won’t taste test every crazy soup recipe you try making.

40/ A cat won’t write you poetry, in 9th century Viking runes, on a headboard he carved himself.

41/ Cats don’t get up first to turn up the heat and put the coffee on so you can stay in bed until it warms up. (We’d rather snuggle up and suck up your warmth)

42/ A man won’t sit his booty on your favourite pillow.

43/ A man can take you for a drive in the country.

44/ Cats will listen to you talk for hours about String Theory and Parallel universes and the possibility of time-travel, but they won’t contribute much to the discussion.

45/ A cat can’t critique your art or proofread your essays (though I do sit on them sometimes and give them booty-sitting approval. Or not).

46/ You can’t bat your eyelashes at a cat and get them to buy you that really, really nice amber pendant you just saw and are already dying to have.

47/ Men don’t lay across the hall playing ‘Speedbump’

48/ Men can, in fact, get their own food when they are hungry.

49/ Cats can’t take components from various other things and make useful tools or silly toys from them.

50/ Cats can’t help you when you get ‘urjes’.

I Won!!!

I won something!!! Thank you Zeus!!! Oh, I just realized! I read you all the time and you're not in my links list! I just added you!

But you know what the best part of the contest was? Lots of new visitors!

So, Hi Beau Beau and Angie, Cheysuli, Gemini and Georgia, Bob-cat, Renee, Samantha, Yuki and Kimiko, Taps, Snowy, Siamia, Pounce, and Shamy!

Also Hi to Dragonheart, I'm not sure where you came visiting from!

Hi to Daphne, Chloe, Spooker and Jazpurr, who were here on Peace day and got added to my list, but I forgot to welcome them!

I'd also like to point you all to a few other new friends I made at House Panthers. Go say hi to Petey, Happy-Go-Lucky, Punkin, Luna, Sooner and Hockey Puck, Pablo, Merlin Shadow and KoKo( I think some of you know them), and Faz.

And don't forget Ferdinand!

Wow! So many new friends!!

Tough-A** Tortie Tuesday

In honour of Tough-a** Tortie Tuesday, I have the OTW make my a** tortie, while wearing my tough viking costume.

And in honour of KC, I have a golden tortie paw.

I'm glad you're home and getting better, KC.

Midnight Monday and News!

Yay!!!! KC's getting better!!!!!

So the first thing to report because I should have reported it days ago is that I got my Frends of Skeezix package!! It came.....um I don't know. Dozens of naps ago, but first I didn't have the pictures off the camera and then the OTW was hogging the computer and then I forgot. I'm sorry Skeezix. I don't think I deserve to be the President of your Canadian chapter since I can't even remember to say I got your great buttons.



This is me with the package. The Big One made the OTW wait and wait and wait until I was done napping so I could open it, and he wouldn't let her do it. I think all the training is starting to take on the Big One. Though I don't know why she just didn't wake me up and tell me the package was here! Naps are important but so is my package from Skeezix 'cause it took so long to get here. I think the man in the blue shorts up here has to bring it by dog-sled!!!!

Here I am admiring the buttons and the really good paper to lie on.

I was right Skeezix! They do make great hockey pucks!!! I sniffed them good, and batted around them a bit.

This was me when I realized the OTW stole one of them and put it on the fridge!!!! It was the bestest one, that had the big picture of Skeezix and was a good hockey puck whichever side it was laying on, too!! As you can see, I sat on the rest and glared so she couldn't steal anymore!!!

The second bit of news is that my peoples are safe home. They even came back when they said they would! I couldn't believe they left though!!!! When my OTW snuggled me just before leaving, she told me she would miss me lots (well, I knew that!!!) and that she loved me (again, not so much with the surprises there, human!) and that she'd be back the very next day in the evening (which she was) and when she put me down I jumped straight into the little box and started gnawing on the flap which makes her laugh, and she picked me up in the box and I licked her nose and was the sweetest, bestest, most adorable cat that ever did live, and she still left!!!!!!! And she called me a monster on the way out!!!!!!!!!!!

When she got home she said they were safe most of the way even though they saw three vishus moose-deers, because most of the way they were driving really really fast. She said the Big One drove one hundred and twenty kilometres per hour!!! She said if I'm going to tell my friends about it, that one hundred and twenty kilomtres per hour is about the same as seventy five miles per hour, which is very very fast, and the vishus moose-deer only glared at them 'cause they could never ever ever ever catch them when they went that fast. The Big One says, "unless the vishus deer start mating with cheetahs and making vishus cheetah-deers" and laughed a lot.

Well of course that would never happen because cheetahs are VERY BIG CATS!!!!! Even bigger than Kismet!!! And you know what else? Cheetahs eat vishus deers! They do!!! Vishus gazelle deers!! I will tell you all about vishus gazelle-deers in my new, expanded Vishus Deers of the World booklet, when I write it. And I'm thinking of writing a Vishus Deer Attack Survival Guide for Cats, too, and I will study how these cheetahs kill the vishus gazelle-deers and we can learn their techniques!

And the third bit of news is that my peoples said they went away to pretend to be Vikings, but they gave away the real reason for their trip when they came home!! They were hunting our Chritmas Presents!!!!!! The Big One said it! He came in the door with lots of bags and said "You monsters had better appreciate us because we went away all weekend and spent all our money on you two instead of ourselves!" And Grumpybutt says he swears he smells catnip! And he'd know, 'cause he's the Drug-Sniffer Kitty!

And the fourth bit of news is that KC's mom says anyone who wants to use the little graphic she made for my Vishus-Deer of the North Pamphlet can, 'cause she made it just for me!!! Purrrrrrs, KC's mom! You're the bestest!!!

And Sanjee, maybe you should put an classified ad on the Blogosphere about you're seeking a fully-qualified ginger cat for a new position as starter-upper of Ginger Cat Wednesday. I think we know several cats who are probably qualified for the job.

Also, Welcome Moose, Nala, Turtle, Chase, Millie, and Pumpkin! I'll add your links to my list in the morning before I do my blog rounds.

Right now my OTW is very tired and I want to go lay on her 'cause I missed my warm spot between her knees last night, and had to settle for burrowing under the blankets by her pillow. And 'cause she gives us treats before she goes to bed and I didn't get any yesterday. So I better get last night's treats tonight. And some extra for letting her go away overnight. And some extra treats to soothe my outrage over her not staying because I'm cute. And some extra treats 'cause she called me a monster!

I'm so happy KC is getting better!!!! I'm doing the Happy Paw Dance!!!!