Tuxie Tummy Tuesday

My OTW says she's really sad this wasn't a better quality photo.

Not much news from the North to report. With winter here the vishus deer are coming in close to town so I've been doing extra patrols of the building and sitting guard a lot, but there haven't been any attacks recently. The OTW and the Big One did see a lot of vishus deer tracks on the hillside near the food hunting place, and a few days ago, they even saw a big vishus boy-deer with lots of skewers on his antlers, but he just stared at them vishusly. Maybe they think because I haven't written anything more about them, that they've scared me into hiding! HA!

I wanted to write the expanded Vishus Deer of the World booklet while it was kinda quiet, but the OTW has been hogging the computer again, doing research. I'm going to make her get off the computer later though, and let me at least visit everycat.

Santa's Vishus Rain-deer

You Are Dasher

You're an independent minded reindeer who never plays by the rules. Why You're Naughty: That little coup you tried to stage against Santa last year Why You're Nice: You secretly give naughty children presents.

Which of Santa's Reindeer Are You?

I still think this is a little suspicious, but since everyone else is playing....

Oh, and somecat asked about whether the tummy was touchable or not. I am a complete tummy-slut! Every one of those pictures is of me either sunning my belly or demanding my OTW put down the camera and RUB. MY. BELLY!!!!!

*sings*

"The most wonderful thing about bellyrubs,
is bellyrubs are wonderful things!
Their rubs are squishy on tummies,
their scritches would satisfy kings!
They're rubby, tubby, chubby, scrubby,
Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun!
But the most wonderful thing about bellyrubs is,
I get every one!
Oh, I get every one! "

Thirteen Reasons I'm called 'Tummy Slut'

Toesday

I liked the pictures of Grr's toes so much, I decided to post some close-ups of my toes. And Grumpybutt's too, and Pumpkin, said he was going to too, so today is Toesday! Know who's toes I'd really like to see? KC's. She has the cutest toes EVER!

I have giant, mighty hunter paws!!

And when I spread them out they're HUGE! Maybe even bigger than Kismet's!!

My black paw pads. The flash makes them look grey, but they're black, really. My toe-tufties are brown though.

This is Grumpybutt's paw. All four of them are all white and dainty little things, smaller than mine even though he's bigger and (kinda fat)!

His paw pads are really pale pink. My OTW says she loves them anyway, and they're very cute, even if they're not mighty and black like mine!

Midnight Monday and Update

Attack of the Paper!!!

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UPDATE

So I caught my OTW lying on the floor and I hopped up on her back and sat right in that spot where she can't get me off without tipping me off which makes me put out my claws, and I put some hard questions to her about the antler issue.

She says she doesn't know why I'm so worried and suspicious of the antlers 'cause they're just some old ones a friend of hers found in their basement and she's pretty sure they're the kind that fall off in the spring when the vishus deers grow even bigger ones, and that these are at least as old as last spring, so she doesn't think they're bugged 'cause I didn't write my expose on the vishus deer yet then. She also said it doesn't matter because in a day or two, the Big One is going to cut them up into pieces and she's going to stick them in water for weeks and weeks until they're soft and then she's going to carve them up.

She claims the needles are not the kind that the vet goes stabby in the butt with, they're the kind you play with string with and make viking socks and she says not to worry about the beaters, 'cause they're not cat beaters, they're weaving beaters to make the thread behave, like her tapestry bobbins (I thought that was what I was for!) and the earspoons are just viking Q-tips. Kind of. But not as much fun for cats to play with. Except on the hard floor, 'cause they would probably skitter good, but she's not going to let me try 'cause they're for her costume and she doesn't want me ruining them. She's pretty selfish.

I'm not sure about all this. I'm keeping a close eye on her 'cause I'm not convinced she's not got a deaded vishus deer spirit in her brains. I growled at her a lot today to see if I could make the vishus deer ghostie show itself. I'm not sure if it's working 'cause she started looking 'noyed at me, and instead of telling me to go away if I was gonna be rude, she kept picking me up and giving me crazy cat lady kisses all over my face and whiskers and nose! She may just be trying to sneak a taste of me!! And then she played cat-fishing with me for a really really really long time and maybe she was just trying to tire me out so I couldn't fight her off!

But I'm keeping a close eye on her 'cause I may not be young but I'm a fierce warrior and still juicy. Lucky for Grumpybutt he's so old and grumpy no vishus deer would eat him 'less they were desperate, 'cause he'd be all tough and stringy.

And I sat on her a long long long time, until her neck hurt, which she deserves for trying to skewer us and laughing!

Warning! Scary content!!!

Oh no! Oh no! Oh NO!

My OTW has gone MAD!!!!!!! She went out and got antlers!!!!!!!!! ANTLERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She even 'pretended' to try to skewer us with them!!!!! And then she laughed!!!! LAUGHED!!!!!!! Ohnoohnoohnoohnoohno!!! Not my beloved OTW!!! Oh I think I'm going to cry! I may have to skewer her with Hreinarsbana to save us all! And then who will give me my stinky goodness, and my treats, and my tummyrubs and spine scritches?!?!?

I'm typing this as she's in the other room, doing who knows what vishus deer things! This may be My Last Post, every cat, as I try to subdue this evil that my beloved OTW has become!

Purr for me everycat! Purr hard that I may survive this battle!!!!

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UPDATE!!!!!

I'm still alive and Look what I found in the livingroom! !

They are not attached to her head at all! I think Patches is right, these are dead. I don't think that was very funny, what my OTW did!

But maybe the ghostie of the vishus deer is in her brains, 'cause she's talking about carving the antlers up into needles and beaters, and earspoons!!! Earspoons?!? What it heck is an earspoon? Is that something you scoop stuff out of kitty ears with??? And beaters?!? NEEDLES?!?!?!

I'm keeping an eye and a paw on these antlers. They're a bad bad sign.

50 Reasons

Since the Big One was slightly miffed that my OTW and I came up with so many reasons cats were better than men (or women, if that's what you prefer), even though most of them had nothing to do with him, I'm posting this list of all the reasons things that men do, that cats won't. "cause we all know men aren't better than us!

1/ Cats won’t offer to support you for two years while you try to start an art career or personal business. AFTER supporting you for two years through school.

2/ Cats don’t clean the bathroom.

3/ Cats don’t cook gourmet meals for you.

4/ Cats won’t build you looms and other art tools.

5/ Cats won’t go out and hunt your groceries when it’s really really cold

6/ Cats don’t shovel snow.

7/ A man won’t steal all your make-up brushes and drag them all over the house and hide them under carpets.

8/ Men don’t insist on sitting on your shoulder while you’re trying to type. (We’re SNOOPERVISING!! It’s our JOB!!!)

9/ Men don’t wash their private bits in front of company

10/ Men don’t insist you open the door for them then stand in the doorway debating whether to go in or out when you know perfectly well they’re not going to because it’s COLD.

11/ Men don’t kick down the door of the bathroom and demand loving while you’re peeing.

12/ Men don’t sit in the sink, drinking from the faucet when you need to wash your hands.

13/ Men don’t wake you up by sticking their cold wet nose against yours, or by tickling your cheeks and nose with their whiskers, or sticking their paw in your mouth.

14/ You can have a conversation in the same language (though we know it’s not your fault you have no whiskers or tails and your ears don’t swivel around).

15/ A cat won’t run out in the middle of the night and buy you chocolate when you’ve got PMS

16/ A man won’t track kitty litter or poop all over the house.

17/ Men don’t walk around with poop hanging off their furry butts (Hey! Neither do we!)

18/ A man will let you sleep in on weekends.

19/ A man doesn’t unroll the toilet paper all over the floor

20/ Men don’t scratch up your furniture even though you’ve gotten them several perfectly good scratching posts

21/ A man won’t try to eat your Christmas decorations. (oh, the yummy yummy silk holly leaves….)

22/ A man won’t hump your foot, teddy bears, or dustmop

23/ Men don’t usually pee on the furniture or carpets.

24/ Men don’t cough up hairballs

25/ Cats don’t bring you breakfast in bed. Or if they do, it’s not something you’d actually want to eat.

26/ Cats can’t fix your computer.

27/ Men don’t sleep in your closet on your woolly clothes and leave them covered in hair.

28/ You don’t have to man-proof the cupboards with the cleaning supplies.

29/ Men don’t try to bat the string/pencil/beads out of your hands while you’re working (which seems kind of uncaring really, leaving you to defend yourself against them alone).

30/ Cats don’t do dishes or windows

31/ Men brush their teeth or at least eat a breath mint occasionally

32/ Men don’t sit and stare at you unblinking for no particular reason.

33/ A cat won’t make you handmade chocolate truffles.

34/ Cats won’t use the toy-sucker-upper for you if you’re scared of it (heck, we wouldn’t even let it in the house if we could help it).

35/ A cat doesn’t know how to pick you a good single malt scotch.

36/ Cats won’t help you set up the stereo system with 20 bazillion wires

37/ Men don’t sit in your lap, then get mad because you insist on getting up to use the bathroom, or get a drink.

38/ A cat won’t buy you books. Expensive books. For Christmas. There’s a list on the OTW’s computer…… (she made me type that)

39/ A cat won’t taste test every crazy soup recipe you try making.

40/ A cat won’t write you poetry, in 9th century Viking runes, on a headboard he carved himself.

41/ Cats don’t get up first to turn up the heat and put the coffee on so you can stay in bed until it warms up. (We’d rather snuggle up and suck up your warmth)

42/ A man won’t sit his booty on your favourite pillow.

43/ A man can take you for a drive in the country.

44/ Cats will listen to you talk for hours about String Theory and Parallel universes and the possibility of time-travel, but they won’t contribute much to the discussion.

45/ A cat can’t critique your art or proofread your essays (though I do sit on them sometimes and give them booty-sitting approval. Or not).

46/ You can’t bat your eyelashes at a cat and get them to buy you that really, really nice amber pendant you just saw and are already dying to have.

47/ Men don’t lay across the hall playing ‘Speedbump’

48/ Men can, in fact, get their own food when they are hungry.

49/ Cats can’t take components from various other things and make useful tools or silly toys from them.

50/ Cats can’t help you when you get ‘urjes’.