Many cats have been asking over this season whether or not Santa’s vishus reindeers are truly vishus; if Santa really gets eight vishus reindeers to pull his sleigh and help bring presents to all the good little cats.
I’m here to tell you it’s all a BIG FIB!!!!
There are no vishus reindeers pulling Santa’s sleigh! Clearly this is another big fib to sugar-coat the vishus deers, just like the adorable KC said about Bambi.
Certainly, from where humans look from, I suppose vishus reindeers make sense, especially up north here. Vishus Reindeers, or Vishus Caribou-deers as they are called here in North America, have hooves that are especially dangerous to cats, as they adapt themselves to the weather. They become soft and spongy to walk on soft, smooshy ground in the summer and harden in the winter so they are skates, making it all the easier to run fast and get to places where juicy young cats might hide!
But Eight Tiny Vishus Reindeers? TINY? Vishus Reindeers aren’t TINY!!! They HUGE!!! Taller than 5 cats at the SHOULDER!!! (this doesn’t include their heads. If only we could not-include the head of every Vishus Reindeer! Then they couldn’t eat us!!!!!). And FLYING?!?!? Who ever saw a vishus reindeer fly? They don’t even have wings!!!!
Now Santa being tiny makes sense. I’ve never lived in a place with a real fireplace and chimney for Santa to come down, but my OTW says they’re really small and even she couldn’t fit down one. No human but children can mostly. And what about those houses with no fireplaces, like all the places I’ve lived? But if Santa were tiny, then that wouldn’t be a problem, would it? He could come down the smallest chimney, or in through the tiniest of air vents into apartments. I think Santa is maybe a tiny elf himself!!!
But Vishus Reindeers aren’t tiny!!! So it can’t be true, can it?
And I’m suspicious too, ‘cause every human society seems to have different stories about what beast of burden Santa uses to bring toys to good cats everywhere, and they’re not all Vishus Deers either. Not only that, but even people in different countries can’t seem to agree on who gives presents to good cats, and how they get there.
Below you will find what my research found as the most popular theories (at least according to the innernets)
In England and in New England and in lots of other places, Santa sometimes rides a Motorcycle like Max and Buddah’s Woman.
Some people in the US say Santa’s Sleigh is pulled by Texas Longhorn (they’re cows) called Reinsteers.
The US Department of Transportation says Santa has a new hydrogen-cell fueled sleigh. (I’m not sure what that means, but I think it something like our humans’ machines, but a special kind)
In Holland, where my OTW’s parents are from, Sinterklaas rides a white horse or a donkey, and brings presents for good cats on December 5. With him comes Zwarte Piet (Black Pete) who gives coal to the bad cats. Sinterklaas lives in Spain the rest of the year. Which seems like a much nicer place to live than the North Pole!!! Lots of times tricks are played with presents, and cats have to dig their presents out of litter boxes (not real litter boxes-maybe cake ones like Zeus told us about!) In Belgium they also say Saint Nicholas rides a horse.
In Italy, it isn’t Santa who gives gifts to good cats. It’s La Befana, a good witch who rides on a broom. (I don’t like brooms either though. They’re vishus too, just not as vishus as Vishus Deers or toy-sucker-upper machines).
In Switzerland, Saint Nicholas rides through town on a donkey, and presents are brought to good cats by the Christ Child who certainly wouldn’t have anything to do with Vishus Reindeers. In Germany, the Christ Child also brings the presents.
In Spain and Mexico and South America presents are brought by the Wise Men who brought Presents to the Christ Child. They ride on horses, too.
In Denmark the presents for good cats are brought by a gnome called Julemanden who rides in a sleigh they say is pulled by Vishus Reindeers, but in Sweden Juletomten rides in a sleigh pulled by goats or comes out of the floor of the house or barn.
In Finland "Joulupukki" rides a goat, made of straw called Ukko. Which is funny, because Finland is where the Sami live, and the Sami, as you may remember from my Vishus Deer of the North pamphlet, are the crazy people that first herded vishus reindeers like cows!!!
I’ve heard that in Australia and Tasmania and New Zealand Santa rides waterskis, and wears a red bathing suit. Can any of the Cat bloggers from there tell me?
But I have an entirely different theory!
Santa is tiny! Santa needs to fly all over the world to deliver presents to good cats! What flies? Birds, of course!! Big, juicy, tasty, yummy fev-very……ahem. Yes, birds! And I have proof!! This is hanging in my livingroom!
Yes, that’s Santa! Riding on a great big fat…tasty…juicy…ahem…sorry…cardinal. Like some of the cat bloggers have in their yards. We already know they can fly really really really far, ‘cause they migrate every year. It makes perfect sense, everycat! Santa flies on birds, not on a sleigh pulled by eight giant, smelly vishus reindeers!
So you can all breathe easier tonight, and not have to hide in your houses for fear that Santa might bring in his vishus reindeers and let them try to eat you (though I’m sure it would be an accident!)
However, no matter how much you want to catch the wonderful, glorious, bright red (my favourite!) …succulent…tender…AHEM…..sorry, sorry…fev-ver he rides on, you can’t catch it and eat it. I’m sure that’s bad, and you won’t get any presents next year. And Santa may not get to the rest of us this year. So, please, everycat. Restrain you natural impulses, and take a good long nap!!!